Ask Hazama & Hazako!
by The Original Ragna Terumi
Summary: "What do you do with a drunken sailor? Well you won't get that answer here but you will get a talk show combined with an 'Real World Of Kagutshchi' plus "Big Brother After Dark" and with your host me Ruke Norz Shishigami and the cast of Blazblue!" - Producer of Ask Hazama And Hazako AKA A H&H.
1. Chapter 1

A blonde man that wore black tape on the bridge of his nose and a name tag that read "Ruke Norz Shishigami" knocked on the door of the home of Hazama. "Okay So your preview of Ask H&amp;H starts nnnow!" Said Ruke. "Just what the hell do you think your doing at my house?" Hazama asked after he opened the door. He read "producer" on the name tag. "Mr. Hazama I'm Ruke Norz Shishigami twin brother of Ruke Norz Terumi. I'd love to start a show with you and your lovely sister." Said Ruke. ''Ah shit, I've got a bad feeling about this...Come on in." Said Hazama as Ruke and his camera crew went in the house. ''Now Team Norz-Aoi and Me have got cameras set up, global. Just sign here, here and Argo fuck yourself." Ruke said as he pulled out contracts. "Wait this says I can't kill anyone and Rags already knows about this." Hazama said reading the papers. Hazako walked out of the shower with a green towel wrapped around her. "Why were we the last to know about this?...And it says they'll be living with us?" She said. "WHAT THE HELL!" they both said as Ruke gestures to the fine print, "and we'll be under othe!" The twins went pale as they both asked their husband/wife to come out. "Nines ...Come out here please." ...They both were in shock at their new guest and the cameras. "Oh my God he's just like Blake Griffin, Honey he produces some of our favorite shows!" Both Nines signed without reading the contract then Ruke flippes back to the first page.

"...And we'll be answering questions by our fans and the host of the show Ruke Norz Shishigami AKA Ruke-sama" Hazama read. Signing the final forums Hazama lifted his head up when he saw a surf board and guitar. "Putin the happy to the joy bitches!" Yuuki Terumi said. "Yup! Yup! Yup!" His twin sister commented. Ruke turned to the cameras. "Alright my crew is gettin' the rest of the cast, questions being in the next episode! Which is the very first! They'll mostly be mine but wgaf! See you next time on A. .H!" Ruke said as Ragna and the others walked in.


	2. Chapter 2

Everyone was in Yubiko and eating breakfast it was Ruke:s suggestion suddenly he pulled out some cards. "So Hazama, Hazako what was it like working for the NOL?" He asked swallowing his food Hazama answered. "It was good we had a decent salery." Ruke flipped to the next question. "Why'd you quit to become doctors?'' Ruke asked. "You get bored." Hazako answered as Hazzy shurgged and ate. Then Ruke looked to Noel "Noel, are you dating anyone?" He asked, the blond-haired machine blinked. "...Um I-I uh, no." She answers nervously. "Thehe oh Brother, this is so much fun!" Jin exclaimed laughing. "Jin shut the hell up!" Ragna said eating panicky. "Come on nii-san plushie finish your food" Jin said helping the Ragna The Bloodedge Plushie eat. Ruke found this interesting. "Ragna do you like the bara fanficts about you and Jin?" He asked. "I'M NOT GAY IM PANSEXUAL!" Ragna shouted Ruke moved on yo the next question."Ragna do you like it when Jin rapes you?" Jin started giggling. "Oh onii you think this is fun now just wait until we get to the main course ~" Jin said. "Yes I like it" Ragna said. Ruke hummed.

"Hm maybe I can help you with that, seeing as you are married after all" Then he turned to Ragna's child wife Sucy. "And you my dear, what's it like being married to an SS class criminal?" Ruke asked. "It's great mommy always liked bad boys." She said, meanwhile both Taos were gorging on the food Ruke had bought for everyone. "Now the Rule sixty-three versions of you guys how would you feel about a name change? So things won't get confusing." Ruke asked. "B-b-but Noel's my name you can't change my name." Boy-Noel said. "Yes and when people see us they call us 'Boy' or 'girl' Kokonoe" Daggertail100's second Tsubaki said. "Well then, on to the next question. Tagerette do you have a nuke in your chest, are you suicidal?" Ruke asked in a trollish way.

"Your only asking that because we've been watching the Blazblue Talk Show, anyway yes." She answered. Ruke turned to the table both Carls were sitting at. "Now we all know a long ass time ago you two lost your brother and sister, would you like to know where they are and have been?" Ruke asked as he saw the excitement in their eyes he made a gesture. "Hey ya!" Both Adas said in unison as the walked on the set/floor. Carl ran up to hug His sister. "I have so many questions sis!" "Me too" girl-Carl said hugging her brother, ''us too!" Both Kanons said. "Now its getting late let's go home!" Ruke said as he stood up. "Oh sister living with you again is gonna be the bestest!" Girl-Jin said glomping her sister and groping her breasts.

Kitsune-Arakune and Rotte Carmine put their faces in front of the cameras. "Ah don't you just love family outing?" They said. Girl-Ragna gave Ruke a glance. "Think you can help me out as well?" She asked Ruke as they started leaving. "Don't know if I can, my sister might." He said. "Wait a minute you have a sister?!" Ragna asked. "Yup just like my twin brother does!" Ruke answered happily. "And that concludes the first episode of Ask Hazama and Hazako fellows start sending in your questions. And well answer them to the best of our capabilities!" Said Ruke as he got in an alternate version of Hazama's ship-which was called "Thall Devi Incisions"and drove away from Yubiko.


	3. Chapter 3

"Good day my precious viewers. I guess what I'm about to say wasn't I'm the dichotomy. This show is rated m to Aoi for adults only and you can send us your questions by private messaging my precious dear brother Ruke Norz Terumi." Ruke said to the cameras from the shower as he was rinsing his hair. "That's right my dear cameras capture everything" he said seductively. Meanwhile Jin was in Hakumen's armor the Susano o' Unit and was watching My Little Pony on TV. Meanwhile Hakumen was in what Ruke called the "confession Room" and spoke to the cameras. "Okay let's get one thing straight, I'm one of Jim's characters. I know most of you know I'm him," then he inhaled. "But I'm my own person, like how our Noxs can take on human forms thanks to some magick chant." Said Haku/Jin as he left the confession room.

"Ruke you've gotta hide me, Lambada and Nu are after me, I think they got Celcia to start I'm their case too!" Boy Ragna said running into Ruke's room and slamming the door. Ruke just chuckled sadistically, "boy Bloodedge-"

"Don't say that name BE is here too, oh crud where is he?" Suddenly they both heard a groan. Leaving Ruke's room they went to the main camera lab. "Ragna you bastard! HELP!" Cried Bloodedge as he was covered in make up and forced to play "Tea Party Princesses" with the women Ragna was hiding from.

Time: 11:30 PM

"Trip Tank! Hazama and Ragna chanted three times as yhe duo were watching it on tv Ruke came up to them with another set of cards. "Okay so seeing as our viewers haven't asked any questions yet I'll just keep asking mine. Ragna, Hazzy how did you two become best friends?" He asked."It was during Continuum Shift when Dr Hazama and I where at orient town when Noellers cooked that puffer fish thing. I nearly gagged again and gave him my food and we started talking about Tekken and Mortal Combat." Ragna said then turned to the cameras "Don't let what I just said fool ya, I loathed him in CT". Meanwhile Kazuma and Runa and Sena and Pratinum and Trinity were making a foursome of a sex séance while multitasking and watching reruns of shows that didn't come or regular cable. Yuuki and his twin sister Yuuki appeared in ghost form. "This is just like real life" they said one after the other as Ruke went to Noel's room. "Question. Will you alope with me?" He asked. "And well the Jins too I did make a promise to Ragna." "What what what?!" Girl-Noel said. Turning to the cameras Ruke smiled. "And that's our first cliff hanger of the show fellowship s tune in next time!" He said.

Blazblue...After Dark

"Hey you guys seen The Red WhitBlack Yellow Talk Show?" Ragna asked from a Jacuzzi where beers and snacks and other drugs were rampant. "Yeah my man Xdante's in it!" Hazama said then his band showed up with Noel's band.


	4. Chapter 4

"Phantom and Hakuwoman are also their own ocs welcome to the next episode my dears" Amane said from the Confession Room. "WHOO FUCK YES!" Makoto said as she ran around cheering naked in the living room "HELLZ" Swotoi said following his wife naked and tagged her. "Yeah!" He said. Regicide Terumi the daughter of Nine and Hazama looked to the cameras. "Let's reveal what happened after the last episode-while Ruke is out on a date-my dadddy's band DI partied with Aunt Noellers and uncle Noel's bands." She said. "Oh and my daddy got over his cat allergies, they were all in his head.~" She said. Meanwhile girl-Tao groped Makoto's breasts and boy-Tao groped Swotoi's nipples. "STOP IT TAOS!" Swotoi and Makoto shouted. Suddenly the door opened. "Hello everyone it's Orangetabby101. Ruke has a question while he's on his dates. It is 'Why is everyone okay with the fact that the Taos are rapist?'" She said as one of the cameramen-Doug-turned the camera on himself. "Just so you know, we cameramen are paid to care." With this he turned the camera of Ragna. "Well we can't say it's because their stupid, because eight dimensional Tao sent them to school." Ragna then shrugged. "We honestly don't know." He said.

In London Ruke was dinning with both Noels and both Jins. "This date has been going thall, by the way I'm adding the futanari versions of us all to the show. Next question. How do you feel about that?" Ruke asked. Girl-Noel gasped and biy-Noel read her mind. "You mean there'll be more Ragnas?!..Wait sis, you just trolled Jins." He said as Noel worked on a poem. "Yes." Ruke said smiling. "Soft is a summer's breeze black is the azure red and black are ball gags, chains and whips excite me. Mrff Miff merrr" Said Noel with her brother. "That one was for the Nanayas, Ruke may we?" They asked Ruke nodded. "Tune in and drop out for the next installment of Ask Hazama and Hazako!" The vermilions said as all Mus sat on their left shoulders.


	5. Chapter 5

They were in Bermuda now and eating again "OK dokey so this question is from. **'what is your favourite paring in** Blazblue?' Well Miss, it's Bang and Litchi." Ruke said as he looked around. "Hmm I might buy a house here" he said. "So we won't have to host the so at my place no more?" Hazama asked. "Sorry Hazzy but, we'll still be holding it at your place." Ruke said. "Damn" Hazama swore. "So br-I mean Ragna I have a question, what's it like having more fangirls?" Boy-Jin asked . Ragna teared up. "It's the best feeling in the world" he said. "Better than me?' Sucy asked energetically. "Your in tied" seriously said Ragna.

Noel's band and as your recall from reruns of Misadventures Of Blazblue Hazama and Hazako's band DI performed a few songs from their new albums. "Hey after the show who wants to open a portal and beat Superman up?" James the front man of DI asked the crowd. Ruke's brother Ruke Norz Terumi raised his hand. "Hello dear viewers I'm the other Ruke. The demon one" he said. "Now I have a question for all cast, what kind of music do you guys like?" Ruke Terumi asked. "All kinds... Ruke isn't this your first appearance on the show" boy-Noel asked. Ruke nodded as the cameras caught Swotoi and Makoto getting hot, horny, bothered and ready to fuck-with their tongues-on camera.

"Will the nexepisode have a sex scene? This answer is yes!" Ruke Shishigami asked. "Tune in next time!" He shouted. "HURRY UP AND BECOME A NINJA!" Bang shouted at him, loudly.


	6. Chapter 6

Ruke had finished his training to become a ninja and Bang was proud. "OK next question's for Tao... Tao why are you so disgusting?" Ruke asked.

"I'm just doing me" She answered honestly.

Meanwhile Swotoi and Dr. Makoto were in a love seat making out and taking each other's clothes off. Swotoi didn't use a rubber for the third time he injected his penis inside of Makoto's vagina and sucked on her breast for the milk. Swotoi kissed Makoto on the lips before her hips started moving on their own. They both came quickly.

"Anthat's our show fills see you next time!" Ruke said waving. "NO LIKE A NINJA!" Bang shouted loudly. Ruke just left silently. "GOOD!" Said Bang.


End file.
